There are three things (at least) that all of us need, the first is to be significant, then it is to be safe and finally to be loved. Much of our life is spent trying to satisfy these needs, often in the wrong way! Starting from the end, we all want to belong, to know that someone cares for us, loves us and will accept us despite our faults. We want that love to be unconditional but often fear that it won’t be so that we behave in a particular way to achieve those things that will make people love us. We want to be safe, physically, emotionally and socially. It is important to know that we won’t be harmed especially by those we care about and that we hope care for us. We may feel physically unsafe because we are in a place of risk, or emotionally vulnerable because we are teased or bullied, put down or rejected and we will try to find ways to cope or avoid those situations.
The third of this trio of needs is to be significant, to have value or worth. To mean something to somebody, and hopefully more than just one person. To be missed when we are not there, to be important enough to be included. These three things are obviously inter-related and consume much of our energy and resources. We may think that we can find them in one person who will become our partner for life, or in our vocation or hobby or social network, we may seek them in the church or some dream that we pursue. Deep down we may know that God offers all of them through a relationship with Jesus, but we may still feel unfulfilled.
The writer of Ecclesiastes struggled with these thoughts and concluded that whatever he did, it was pointless, a striving after the wind. He tried chasing wisdom but the smarter he got the less he understood, so he thought he would try just filling his life with what made him happy, but even though he said that there was no pleasure that he deprived himself of it was all meaningless. So, he thought he would try to live wisely and that was no good, so maybe he would become a workaholic but again that left him empty. He was wealthy, powerful and had everything he could ever want but it was all vanity. Other people saw him as being important and they wanted his friendship, but only for the advantage they could gain. He saw himself as insignificant, of no importance and toward the end of his book in chapter 12 he writes: ‘Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them”; … the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher; all is vanity’.
Many of things we turn to, or encourage our children to seek in which to find significance are like those of the writer of Ecclesiastes. Get a good job, buy a nice house, earn a lot of money, win a medal, drive a good car. Go to the gym and bulk up, or slim down. Change your hairstyle or your clothes, find the right person to marry, get a job title that makes you sound important, have the best garden in the street. None of those things are wrong in themselves but they will not give you the significance that you seek. At best they will go some way to fill the emptiness for a while, but only for a while.
You are significant, God created you for a purpose and loves you unconditionally. He calls you to trust him and cast your anxieties on his shoulders, because he cares for you. He has promised to never leave you, nor forsake you and to present you spotless when he comes again. He has trusted you with the Holy Spirit to live with and guide you and even when you don’t have the words, he prays for you. He promised that nothing would separate you from his love and in all of these things you are more than a conqueror. You are the child of the king, the inheritor of eternal life and you will reign with him. It doesn’t get more significant than that!
Richard W.Foster 