Two Lessons Learned

The recent debate about redefining marriage have convinced of me of two things. Firstly, personal insult and vitriol will probably not change my mind and, secondly being called names by people who neither know me or have bothered to engage with me will not diminish my sense of self-worth.

When I am insulted because I dare to express an alternative view it is more likely that my opinions will be strengthened rather than changed. I would like to think that I can participate in reasoned debate and be open to change, but when attacked that possibility is significantly reduced. I recall being advised by a prominent person some years ago ‘do not attack me for the position I hold, because I will feel duty bound to defend myself’.

Inevitably there will be times in life and work when our opinions are not shared by others, descending to invective and insult, or even the subtle put down such as ‘the wise opinion would be…’ isn’t likely to be conducive to either good relationships or effective outcomes. We need to find a better way. Engage, dialogue, listen and accept the possibility of an alternative and most importantly treat the other person with dignity and respect – even when they disagree with you!

Insult is usually intended to diminish the worth of the other person. If you can’t win the argument, attack the person. My own sense of self-worth or personal significance is not located in the opinion of others and rather than being diminished I am emboldened when, rather than having a reasoned discussion someone would rather hurl insults.

My sense of worth, my significance as well as my security and knowledge that I am unconditionally loved and accepted is based on my faith.  I know that I am made in God’s image, that he has a plan and purpose for my life and my eternal destiny is secure. No invective or abuse will change that knowledge. I don’t have the answers to every moral question, neither do I believe that I am always right, but I know who I have believed in, and I am convinced that he able to keep and protect me for eternity.